What It Takes To Get Kicked Out of Catholic School.
But first, let me tell you, our internet has been out the past week. I’ve had internet less this year than I ever have since Al Gore invented it. I remember, back when it was only useful for sending these fantastic things called ‘email’ that would get to their destination immediately rather than a few days, but nothing else was really ‘online’…it was just text boxes…I remember planning out the interwebs with virtual malls and bookstores and any other kind of stores I could imagine. I had caught the vision and could see the future. I didn’t predict that porn would grab such a foothold, but I’m not perfect! So anyway, I’ve been missing the internet. Badly. When they announce that there’s a wifi card available for direct implantation in a human skull, I will be the first in line. I’m just sayin’.
While I was pining away for my internet connection, I managed to get out a bunch. While we’re all here in West Hollywood, I’m encouraging everyone to really embrace urban life. We won’t be here forever, and I can’t see that Naturalist will ever choose to live in such a city environment when she gets older, so I’m using this time here to experience something we never have before and may never again. Actually, I love it so much, I’m sure I will again. But maybe not soon!
I’m starting by embracing all the wonderful dining options there are here. All kinds of regional cuisines, all kinds of restaurants, all kinds of options! It’s something that was lacking out in cow country, Colorado. Which was better on our pocket book, but not so good for my taste buds.
Along with great dining comes great waiters, at least here in WeHo. Happy, attentive, easygoing, and so far, totally gay. Which is only important because I’ve never been around a lot of gay people. I haven’t been around anyone in any minority, actually. Went to college in Utah, lived in Kentucky, Georgia, Orange County, Las Vegas, and Colorado…and we always lived in suburbia…not real hot spots for diversity. So, while here I want to maximize my experience. Which is code for saying, while here I’m really nosy. If the waiter is friendly, which they always are, then I start by asking them where they’re from.
This weekend I met a waiter that was from Ohio. He brought up the fact that his car died on the way to work, so he was looking at the engine. “My dad is a real gear head, into motors and cars, and he made sure all his boys learned it too.”
Keep in mind, this waiter was exuberantly fun and over the top flamboyant. I tried to picture him living in Ohio with a mechanic for a dad. I couldn’t.
“So….” I asked, “Ohio…with your dad….did you get into trouble a lot there? How long have you been here?”
“I’ve been in WeHo for 9 years. And yeah. I got into a lot of trouble growing up. Catholic school didn’t help…”
I tried to picture him living in Ohio with a mechanic for a dad and attending private Catholic school. I couldn’t.
I choked on my drink.
“You went to Catholic school? How did that work out for you?!”
“Well, the first time I was expelled, I was in second grade.”
I choked on my drink again, then pushed my drink back. “Please tell!”
“Well, Sister C… was a very strict lady. And at that time, “Who Let The Dogs Out” was pretty popular, and so all us kids would do the dogpound thing with our arms and go “Who, Who Who Who” and she said the next person she caught doing it would be made to act like a dog. So she caught me, and made me crawl around while she stood over me making fun of me being a dog. And I figured, since she said I was a dog, I’d go all the way and bite her on the knee. Then I got expelled the first time.”
I asked him what he did to get expelled the next time.
“Well, for that one I was in 7th grade, and all us altar boys would do a processional to the Virgin Mary statue. Only, before that, we’d meet behind the building and smoke. And I got to thinking it would be really funny if I put a cigarette in the Virgin Mary’s hand. Now, me and the virgin, we understand each other, and I think she thought it was a great joke. So I snuck in and put a cigarette in her hand. I thought about lighting it, but showed some restraint and kept it unlit. Of course, now that I know I was going to get kicked out anyway, I would have just lit the thing and gone down in flames. But yeah, they didn’t think that was funny at all. I got kicked out for that one. My mom, being Catholic, didn’t appreciate it. But my Dad was Southern Baptist and he just laughed at me.”
Our waiter then went to public school, which he enjoyed so much more. Not wearing uniforms anymore was a big part of his relief.
Every waiter I’ve talked to has a story from their growing up time that is publishable. And since they aren’t I’ll just blog them here. It’s been so fantastic to get to know people’s lives that I never would in any other situation. Get a glimpse into a world of being an odd (gay) man out for most of their lives in their family and peer groups. Maybe some day I’ll work up enough courage to take a picture to go with the blog, but that’s a little scary to go out on a limb like that. “Tell me your innermost secret experiences and then let me put it on my blog with your picture! Yeah!” uh…no! not yet. I’m still overcoming some shyness. Ironic that I can blab on and on in here, and yet still feel so shy in everyday life!
And not too shy to jump in front of a street full of people walking towards me. Odd. This picture has very little to do with the post, but I hate not having one picture in my blogs, so here’s the random shot for the day!
Thanks For Sharing!