A Life of Yes.

Posted by Tiff in Funschooling | 12 comments

It wasn’t too long ago that I found myself perched on top of a hippogriff (half horse, half bird), wearing a full coat of armor complete with pointy shoes. It is a ridiculous idea and a ridiculous situation…so outside the realm of normal or what’s to be expected in daily life, but there I was! I’ve always wanted to ride a hippogriff. Ever since I was 11 and started reading Piers Anthony and other science fiction/fantasy books! And why was I there? Actually, that’s not important. It’s not the “real issue” at the center of this post. What the “real issue” here is, is that life is full of magical surprises around every corner. Kind of like driving the Oregon coast, actually, but longer.

In short, life is completely and totally unfathomable and wild! It’s all a part of her beauty and charm, I think.

And yet. And yet. People! The older we get the more we try to fathom and tame her. What’s worse, we try to get our kids to fathom and tame her, too. I know this because parents and other people tell me this every day. I’m not shy about being an unschooler, and people aren’t shy about telling me what they think about it. I welcome the exchange.

In all my 6 years of doing this, I have heard a lot of reasons for why I should have my kids in school. Here’s a run down:

*only school can prepare a child for ‘real life’
*my kids need to learn to control themselves and sit still.
*my kids need to learn to follow direction from authority.
*my kids need to learn how to deal with rules, grades, and authority so they will fit into society better.
*my kids need to learn how to fail so they handle disappointment.
*my kids need to know that life isn’t about them.
*my kids need to know that life isn’t all fun and games and doing whatever they want.
*my kids need to learn that life is a lot of work.

I wish I were kidding about this. I wish I could put in there that people felt school was important because they learned so much amazing information there. That my kids needed to be in school for a free exchange of ideas and knowlege. That school was a place that fosters individual growth that they want my kids to have.

Instead, they are reacting to the idea that the open, free, happy, joyful, passion filled, interest driven space the kids and I have created in our lives is somehow false. A la-la land. A construct that won’t last past when my kids are old enough to get into the “real world”…as if the world we’re living in now isn’t real but pretend.

I call bullshit.

It seems 2011 is “year of calling bullshit”, and so I’m calling it. Hard. On all that nonsense.

I mean really. If we want kids to know that life is all work and hardship, then there is more we could be doing to foster that. We could buy our kids ice cream cones and then smack it out of their hands after the first lick. We could catch a butterfly, show it to them, and then smash it between our hands. We could buy their favorite candy and then make them watch us eat it without sharing any. Right?!

There is a lot I don’t know. There’s some stuff I think I know. And then there’s a little bit of stuff I really truly understand. And this is one of those things: Our life is our own creation. Our kids lives will be their own creation. And not to be cliche, but the possibilities are endless. I’ve discovered that I’d had the law of allowing all wrong. I thought it was a lot like wishing for something, but wishing implies that something doesn’t exist that you hope would. Allowing is different. It implies that something does already at this very moment exist, and all you have to do is say yes to it.

In this town I live in, there’s a guy who runs a deli, but his passion is soda. There are literally hundreds of soda bottles in every style and flavor, and he knows each one. There’s a haberdasher who wears a zoot suit and bowler hat and sells things like mustaches on sticks and old typewriters, but he loves hats of all kinds. I see him sweeping outside his storefront every Saturday. I asked, and both of them were told as kids, “Stop dreaming! You can’t make a living on soda/fancy hats!” and yet they have. They’ve made themselves a life that no one believed in except themselves. They said yes.

I bet there are tons of kids out there hearing “Stop dreaming! You have to do homework/take this test/get good grades/sit at school all day/learn this stuff/pay attention/stop playing so many video games! You can’t make a living if you don’t!”

I wish I could show them all what I’ve seen and experienced, especially after getting back from the Life Is Good Conference. A world where kids don’t do homework, are free to play as much video games as they want, who will never take a test or be made to write a paper. Kids who grow up without sitting at a desk or memorizing meaningless facts.

Far from being compromised when they reach adulthood, they have set themselves up for a life far richer and more fulfilling than what they would have if they’d given up on their passions and interests in lieu of some standardized form of acceptable dreaming. They go on to have productive adult lives doing whatever it is they’re passionate about. They have lived and will continue to live a life of yes, without a lot of interfering “no” from outside sources.

My kids have a life of yes, unless I’m PMS’ing in which case it’s all no, no, no until I recover. And because I’ve been able to say yes to my kids, I’ve been able to say yes to my own neglected self. Saying yes to all my dreams no matter how silly or improbable. And that is how I ended up on a hippogriff.

Say yes more, and see what happens to you! Say yes to your kids more, and see what happens to them!

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