The Buffet Of Life.
When I lived in Las Vegas, there was one thing I loved to do. And it wasn’t gambling. Or going to strip clubs. Or hopping on a pole myself. Or visiting brothels. (Good heavens, I’m glad I don’t live in Vegas anymore.) I loved to hit up cheap buffets at all the different hotels. Here I am, living in the land of the free, and nowhere do I feel like I’m exercising that right more than when I’m standing in front of table after table of delicious food…all for my taking. Freedom of choice, right there.
Do I want all dessert? All pasta? To start with the seafood then make my way counter clockwise through each station? Maybe start with the roast beef and move onto mexican before finishing with a small salad? It’s probably not totally sane the amount of joy I get from choosing how, what, when, where, and how much different foods I get to eat whenever I eat a buffet style meal. Often I will plan to be there hours and hours so I can eat, digest, and chat until I get hungry…and then do it all over again. Indulge and gorge are two words I’d use to describe my dining experience.
I was reminded of this today when Sassy and I went to a frozen yogurt bar. They have 15 different frozen yogurts to choose from, and then 34059803498 different toppings to put on top. You pay by the ounce. Indulge and gorge are two words I’d use to describe her there, making her way down the frozen yogurt and topping lines.
This is what I want for her life. A giant buffet of choices, experiences, and decisions. I want her so engaged and interested in the selections to choose from that she can barely stand still. I want her to run from thing to thing, investigating and comparing and taste testing until she’s sure of herself and what she wants. To me, this is the purpose of childhood! So that by the time you leave the house, you are sure of who you are, how you operate, and what you like.
Sometimes I’m tempted to over-manage a little bit. Tell her what combination works best with lemon yogurt….yes to gummi bears, no to brownies, definitely not to caramel. I want to jump in and get her serving size since I know she’ll get way to much. I wish I could make some things off limits because they’re heavier and more expensive to my checkbook. But at the end of the day I remember that my opinions are based on my own experience, which are based on my own preferences. She has her own preferences, and needs her own experiences to make her own opinions. Sometimes she’ll learn in positive ways, and sometimes she’ll learn by mistakes. On this particular day, she made some kind of frankenstein-ian looking concoction:
I would have puked if I’d had to eat that. But she loved it. She didn’t eat it all, which I figured she wouldn’t. But instead of telling her I told you so, I happily paid the extra $2 to have her learn for herself just how much is too much next time.
This self determination is at the core of our unschooling, and why it works so well for us. I love sitting back and watching my kids craft out their own lives. Eating, sleeping, clothes, music, activities, interests…it’s all one big buffet. It’s freedom, it’s choice, it’s exciting, it’s our lives!
1 Comment
I love this post, might have something to do with the fact that the analogy resonates so well with me since I was also a passionate lover of the buffets in Las Vegas and also I appreciate hearing this from someone else… it's been something that has been rolling around in my head a lot lately that I've had such a tendency to over manage in order to avoid my kids experiencing unhappy mistakes or 'wasting' money and I fear it has created fear in my own children that they don't want to make a mistake so they won't even try something if they don't know it will work which was not at all my intention, ack! I want them to feel that freedom but it's impossible if I don't gift them with it, even if it means all their experiences won't be positive.