Lots of people, me included, got our kids involved and helped them make their own superhero avatar too. I saw all three of my kids avatars next to my own and wished I had a sewing machine and the proper sewing knowledge to make the costumes that we’d chosen for our superheroes. The good thing about being unschoolers is that the “regular” population assumes we’re pretty crazy anyway, so it makes it that much more acceptable to not follow the norm. All I have to do is mouth “we’re unschoolers” and that explains everything. To the people who know what unschooling is, anyway. To the uninitiated then we’re the ones giving them the idea that unschooling = crazy. I love that.

So, yeah. In our street clothes, we look like this:

Even in our street clothes, we stand out. It might have something to do with three shaved heads and a girl with a rainbow mohawk walking around together.

I’m not naturally inclined to stand out like this. And it took me a while before I was OK to have my kids stand out like this. I was born and raised to understand that the most important things to be in life are normal, nice, and acceptable. And here we are walking around looking nothing like normal, nice, and acceptable people.

What made the difference? Finding my own superhero. Realizing that she’s always wanted to rock a shaved head. Realizing that she finds normal really boring and very depressing. I’ve kind of been a superhero in training the last couple years, and the more I listen to what it is that part of me wants, the better I get at making choices for myself. No one can hear that voice or make those choices for me…the path towards superherodom is paved with self reliance.

The superhero in me started seeing and honoring the superhero in everyone around me…including my kids. So when Naturalist said she wanted to shave her head too, I surrendered all my parental fears about her femininity, appearance, and maybe poor choice and allowed her to undertake her own superhero in training path. When Sassy said she wanted a rainbow mohawk (something she’s asked about since she was 2) I did the same. It’s never too early to embark on the path of the superhero!

You’ve never seen a kid so freaking happy about their hair. When it’s not in full mohawk mode, she looks like real life rainbow dash.

I’m not immune to the looks and stares, or to the points or whispers when we all walk by. Before I valued my inner superhero, I wouldn’t have let either daughter change their appearance like that. I would have been more like the people who have come up to tell me, “My daughter wants to shave her head, but I told her I’d kick her butt if she did!” When I asked the woman for more details, she said “well, you know, she’s a Mary Kay rep and she needs to look pretty!”

It’s amazing how clearly spelled out just how narrow our society’s vision of beauty is when you veer away from it in look, appearance, or style. It’s a powerful force, the idea of “normal” and “fitting in”. No one wants to be left out or ostracized, and no one wants that for their kids. It’s why parents pick out clothes for their children instead of letting them assemble something like rainboots with a tutu, checkered shirt and sequined vest. It’s why we are so invested in their hairstyles (I can’t count the number of times moms come up to me saying, “I would never let my kid do that”), fashion, attitudes, manners, sports, hobbies…etc., etc.

The best way we honor our own authentic voice is to follow our individual superhero path. Spiderman could never be Superman who could never be the Hulk.

The best way we honor our kids own authentic voice is to step back and allow them to follow their own individual superhero path.

Yes, they will make mistakes. Yes, so will you.

If what they want has no permanent consequences, then I leave it up to them. Hair, clothes, food, sleep…these are all things that superheroes in training need to figure out. I find ways to support their path while being realistic about the consequences. When Sassy said she wanted a rainbow tattooed across her face I suggested perhaps a marker rainbow would be better for now.

When Naturalist and her teenage mind go clothes shopping, the superhero in me–long socks, aviator glasses, feather earrings and all–recognizes that the superhero in her will need to explore and try lots of things before settling on her superhero outfit. Some of her choices I LOVE, and some I really can’t stand. But it goes both ways. She wasn’t fond of this sparkly number I picked out. And that’s OK. We’ve learned that superheroes don’t dress the same, but they all need an outfit. So we respect that even if we disagree about what makes a good superhero frock.

Respect that the people around you are, like you, superheroes trying to find their own powers. Especially your kids. After all, self reliance is one of the most powerful tools a superhero can equip themselves with. It takes trial and error. It takes courage to follow your inner voice rather than all the outer voices with other ideas…and to allow your child the same benefit. It takes trust in yourself and your kid.

Looking back down the way we’ve come, though, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Superheroes rock, and it’s never to early to start!

It’s not because I lack the willpower to go without something I love and enjoy for 40 days. I wasn’t raised Catholic, I was raised Mormon. And let me just say, it’s as if the LDS leadership got together back in the day and said, “hey, if those Catholics are proving how faithful and awesome they are by going without for 40 days, imagine how much more awesomer we’ll be by going without for our entire fucking lives!” Except replace “fucking” with “flipping”, ‘cuz we even go without swearing.

So…yeah. I was in a state of perpetual Lent for 36 years. No drinking, no smoking, no sex (except with appropriate marital partner!), no porn, no R rated movies, no swearing…I know what it takes to do without. To lean on God. To sacrifice for a higher idea/spiritual experience. To put off today for an idea of getting something more and maybe better later. Although now that I’ve had whiskey, I don’t know how much better it can get. So even though everything I’ve done since leaving my religion has put me squarely outside of a heavenly sphere I think I’m OK with that. I don’t want to go anywhere that Bourbon isn’t flowing freely like a fountain of fucking awesome.

I don’t mind if other people are religious. I was religiously religious for a long time! But I woke up one morning and realized that even if Heaven had candy trees, all you can eat chocolate dessert buffets every night, the ability to fly & breathe underwater, and nothing but peace and happiness for eternity…it still wouldn’t make up for spending my entire life miserable. And I was. Miserable. So fucking miserable. Probably because I couldn’t say the word fuck when I was fucking unhappy. I couldn’t say certain words to express myself. I couldn’t have some wine to take the pressure off for a few hours. I couldn’t unwind at certain movies. That’s not what drove my unhappiness, but it sure didn’t help. I mean, how was I supposed to know that I do my best cleaning after a whiskey & coke? Or that movies with outrageously inappropriate sexual innuendo would make me laugh so hard? Or that I’m much nicer after 5:30 pm if I’ve had a glass of wine? All these things make my life so much better!

My unhappiness came from not feeling like I could be myself without judgement. Because all those things that I couldn’t do…that God definitely didn’t like? I fucking loved them! Or, I would have, but I felt so badly about it that I never did any of it. I was told that was wrong wrong wrong. It was a quick leap between those things being wrong and ME being wrong wrong wrong for potentially liking them so much.

When I left my childhood faith, my life order switched quickly. Instead of sacrificing “now” in favor of a long term “heaven”, I’m kind of blowing off heaven in favor of an immediate now. Some in my family and friend circles are appalled, I know. You know in the bible when it says that the sinners say “eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die”…I don’t see what’s wrong with that. This makes me a sinner in their eyes, I guess. An outcast. But I’ve never felt more connected, more non judgemental, more compassionate, or more profoundly grateful. If now is all I’ve got, then it’s a valuable commodity. Life is rare and precious when it’s taken out of context of something even better coming on down the line at a later date. Without something better, then I feel really responsible to help make the moments I have count.

I still talk to God…it’s hard to stop praying if you’ve been taught to do it since birth. But instead of doing it out of fear and obligation, I do it to shoot the shit. I do it meaningfully, less like a prayer and more like those heartfelt talks that only seem to happen at dive bars at 3 am.

So, anyway, all that to say that my lifetime of Lent makes me exempt from any more time spent giving up something that makes me happy now. It means I don’t have extreme binges like Fat Tuesday, or an obsession with getting the next 40 days over with so I can do cool shit again. Instead, I remain content in the moment, neither wishing for it to go faster or slower.

I guess, in solidarity, I’ll do more drinking this week of my fat tuesday. And for the next month I’ll give up self loathing, shame, and guilt. How’s that? Anyone else on board?

This week, challenge #6, is all about superhero tools.

Spiderman has his sticky strong web.
Thor has his mighty big hammer.
He Man has his hefty sword.
Batman has lots of things all over…fancy belt, cool car…he’s tricked out.
Wonder Woman has her lasso of truth. (wtf is that shit?!? I’ve always thought she got robbed, even when I was 9 and watching the Justice League. A lasso? That makes people tell her the truth?! Lame!)

What do you have to help you along on this journey through life?
What are the tools that helps your superhero ass out?

What does your superhero look like?

I’ve thought about this question for the last 2 years. It’s taken me about that long to figure it out, but I’ve never been accused of being a quick study. Do you want to see what my tools are? The things that keep me going on this freeplaylife path of awesome?

All I need:
badass Hula Hoop
chucks
hipster sunglasses (or some sweet aviator shades, but my last pair just broke)
long patterned socks
body glitter
DSLR camera

For whatever reason, my psyche has attached more than a surface meaning to these items. These give me a ridiculous amount of joy in my life, which I didn’t know until I started asking myself “what do you want? what makes you happy?” The same questions you’re asking yourself. If you don’t have the answers, like I didn’t at first, then do what I did: explore. push past your own comfort boundaries. say yes to experiences you’d normally say no to.

The year I spent in WeHo was a whirlwind of new sights and sounds. Mom’s night out up there in the big city consisted of drum circles, luchador wrestling , burlesque performances, tandem yoga on the beach, bar crawls, and back alley musical concerts. I’d never done any of that, but opened my life up in an attitude of yes and so decided to just jump in and try. I even took regular pole dancing classes that a friend offered. I didn’t continue with the pole when I moved down to the OC, but it’s where I learned about body glitter and that goes with me everywhere!

Your superhero tools will be things that you do just for you. They are the things that soothe you after a stressful day. They will fill you up with a happiness independent of what you’re doing, where you are, what has happened. They’re almost like security blankets, or a calm in the storm. Maybe you garden after a long day? Knit? Drink wine? Sing? Sew? Scrapbook? Take pictures? Draw/paint? Do yoga? Your tools would then be knitting needles, garden tools, a wine glass, a microphone, needles or yarn, scissors, a camera, and/or charcoal pencils/paintbrushes.

I hoop. I’ll talk more about it this week. But, my superhero tool is my hoop. When I’m hooping, time melts away. Stress melts away. I feel like I step into a protective bubble of awesome. I tap in to this thing called “flow” that is like floating down a peaceful river. This is what your tool(s) will help you feel like. Please note, your level of ability with your tool of choice can be craptacularly terrible and it still counts. It’s not how well you do with it, but just that you do it! If you feel pulled to sing, no matter what your voice sounds like, then sing. If you find calm and happy while drawing, then no matter how basic you are, just draw.

Some of you will automatically know what your tools are. Some of you, like me, won’t have a clue at first. Finding your superhero tool is a bit like falling in love…that crazy kind of overwhelming happiness that puts a spring in your step and gives you something to think about almost obsessively. You can’t wait to get your hands on it, and hate to leave when you have to.

Don’t settle for anything less than that. Things that make you feel like that are transformative catalysts that lead to powerful personal growth. And that’s what we’re after this year. Whimsy! Patience! Joy! Acceptance! Understanding! Awesome!

Think about that this week.

Right now, though, go make yourself a superhero.

Remember how we assbooked? Now it’s time for superherobooking. Make your superhero and then make that your profile picture. Unlike all those other puny superheroes in the comic books, we aren’t going to hide ourself behind a disguise. We’re going to show people what we’re made of.

My superhero looks like this:

Her name is Octohoopa.

I laugh every time I see her, especially after commenting on friends pages on facebook.

When you make yours and have it up as a profile picture, give a shout out on the freeplaylife facebook page so I can check your badass superhero out!

“wtf!”

as in

“what does dressing like a superhero, compiling a playlist of songs, talking about what I want, remembering who I was, and showing my ass to the free world have to do with anything?! I didn’t sign up for this!”

It’s true no one really signed up for this little experiment, I kinda blog blitzed you with it. I also might have said if you didn’t do this you “were dead to me”, and that was kind of harsh. But since the beginning of January, over 500 people have signed up and joined in…ass picture and all! I think what people–you–are responding to is that I really really don’t want this to be a self help “thing”. I want it to be a celebration, bitches! I realized last year, after reading lots and lots of messages from people asking how to have the kind of attitude and life I talk about here at freeplaylife, that there isn’t a magical formula. And the answer is so simple it will shock and awe you.

You already are freeplaylife. All the fun, whimsy, patience, excitement, joy, and positivity is already part of you. Have you ever held a newborn baby in your arms? Maybe your own child? And in that moment, you realized how complete and perfect they were. Just laying there, not doing shit. Maybe hiccuping. Eyes unfocused, legs not able to walk, hands not able to draw or write or paint, mouth unable to talk…and yet, they are perfectly who they are supposed to be. That is you. Just, bigger now.

It’s not about what you do or don’t do. What you look like or don’t look like. You are a bigger picture than your details. To paraphrase the distinguished Ke$ha, you R who U R!

In fact, being ‘freeplaylife’ is so much a part of you that I don’t want you to change who you are at all, ever. What I want in these challenges is to help you remember who that is. What you want. How you feel. What makes you happy. How to get that for yourself. These challenges are geared towards helping you step out of the cycles of shame, grief, fear, and doubt that so often distort the lenses that you use to see yourself and the world around you. You are the key to unlocking the cages that are holding you back. Respect it!

When you can do this for yourself, it will be natural for you to encourage that in the people around you. Your relationships will take on extra depth and compassion. Patience and joy will flow. You will find a wellspring of awesome at your fingertips.

This whole year is going to be full of funny, silly, and ridiculous. I’ve found this is the best way to access the profound, deep, dark, difficult parts of ourselves we’d rather leave hidden. Those are the parts that keep you resistant to a powerfully positive life. Anyone who assbooked realized how true that is. So ridiculous to put a picture of your ass on facebook…and yet so much more than that. Hitting the ‘share’ button was probably really intense, because underneath the silly is the question…do I accept myself? Am I ashamed of myself? Do I want others to really see me? Can I do this?

It’s the feeling of riding a roller coaster…there’s no way you would get on top of a building and leap off just for the thrill, the only thing that makes it tolerable is how safely fun it is in an amusement park.

Consider your life is the amusement park, and get ready to go on some rides!

**These challenges are designed for anyone to join in at any time from where we’re at. Start on the current week, then take some time to look back at past challenges to work on as the mood strikes! Thanks to everyone who is sharing this 52 weeks challenge on twitter and facebook as well as uploading self portraits with the tag #fplphoto !**

Week One: Listen to what you need. Then get it.
Week Two: Others can’t see you if you don’t see yourself first. So start by taking self portraits!
Week Three: Go back and remember what you were like growing up. Find that playful kid and bring her along on your journey.
Week Four: Find a theme song to remind you that you are a badass superhero!
Week Five: Find what things you’d like to wear that complete your superhero costume. What’s your style?!

Yes, yes, and no.

Literally, maybe not. Like, clothes don’t literally take us to nirvana. Unless you’re talking about wearing these fierce pair of Steve Madden heels which manage to be both sky high AND as comfortable as sneakers. But when approached from a certain state of mind, clothes are to our outside body what fruits and veggies are to our inner body…nourishing and a real energy boost. When you are wearing something that speaks to you, like my rainbow socks do to me, then you carry that feeling with you into the rest of your day.

When I decided to focus on buying/wearing things that I connect to, I notice that it really does make a difference. Especially because I need to supplement my closet with second hand store and Target items that are more functional that inspirational. But when I pair them with something I love, like my octopus necklace or favorite pair of socks, then they get elevated to a happier level. My life has been elevated to a happier level, actually, once I found a fashion sense that spoke to me.

It took me a while to get myself to my own fashion statement. Like I mentioned before, I let my mom dress me well into college. And then once I had young kids I didn’t have time to care about it, which was just fine with me since it was so intimidating anyway. So there I was, 36 years old, before I found the magical connection to loving clothes and using them as a powerful form of self expression.

Here’s the thing…it takes a strongly developed sense of self to have a really strongly developed sense of style. The beautifully fun thing is that one can lead to the other, and if getting to know yourself is a struggle then do it the other way around. Find what you like to put on yourself and you will quickly find it connects to something you learn about yourself on the inside.

Don’t get frustrated, start small. Many of you took your ass out shopping for new panties before you did all the assbooking. Perfect! Etsy has so many little trinkets to wear for between $15-25 dollars…a camera ring. An animal necklace. Symbol earrings. Cute patterned tights. Instead of freaking out about not being able to put a whole outfit together without panicking, start with a specific body part and find something for it. Cute gloves, a headband, a belt…anything! I started with a skull bikini, which was one of the first things I bought because I loved it and it spoke to me.

Then, the rainbow socks. Then long socks in general, which I discovered look really nice with cute shorts or a lacy flowing dress. And then it built upon itself from there. You can see the combination in most of the pins I’ve put up on pinterest. And then, a year later…BAM! My very own style. It’s just as easy to pull on a pair of leggings, long socks, and flowy dress and feel *myself* as it is to pull on sweats, a t shirt, flip flops** and feel *meh*. **not that there’s anything wrong with this, if it’s your style. LOL. I’m just saying, it’s not my style and I feel *meh* about wearing that particular ensemble!

Ask a friend whose sense of style you admire more about how they pick things out. Ask them to be a personal shopper when you go out to treat yourself to something! I realize getting a brand new wardrobe overnight is unrealistic, but start with an article at a time. And remember, pinning inspirational clothes/accessories to pinterest is totally free but just as capable at developing at ‘style’!

This challenge is about taking your life and elevating it up a notch or 10. Going from ordinary to extraordinary. You, my dear bitches are already uberextraordinary, so there’s no reason why your clothes shouldn’t be too!

OK, actually, strike that. I totally mean dressing up. The art of dressing up where the person getting all fancy is you, and the fabulous affair is your fucking life!

BOOM!

If your life isn’t the most fabulous, awesome, fancy affair ever, then what is?! What more is there than life? Even as messy, loud, crazy, and stinky as it can get.

Playing dress up isn’t anything new. 2 year olds use anything and everything to wrap up in and play pretend…blankets, bubble wrap, toilet paper, the cat… 4 year olds could make every day Halloween with all the specialty dress up clothes available…princess, animal, wizard, flapper, astronaut, etc. etc. 6 year olds select quite interesting outfit choices for their school/daily life…

It gets trickier as we get older, because we’re expected to grow out of silly things like that, but our need to dress up…try new things out…doesn’t go away. And it shouldn’t! Dressing up is like trying out new possibilities. It’s a way to experience something without committing to it. A tattoo is permanent, but fishnets and high heels are just for the night! It’s also a great way to self express and embrace a kind of creativity that becomes art on our bodies. Our entire attitude can change depending on if we’re wearing something tight and restrictive versus flowy and soft.

This week’s challenge (don’t forget to set up a pinterest category for your superhero outfit(s)!) is designed to plug you back in to that free spirited, energetic, devil may care self that found it totally appropriate to go grocery shopping in a mask, witch hat, polka dotted shirt and matching (not really matching) striped pants. Or, of course, the little girl that used to eat pb&j’s in a freaking princess dress.

It’s not about image, it’s not about cost, it’s not about what other people will think, it’s not about practicality, it’s not about size or shape or weight. It’s about you, bitches. It’s about fancy and imagination and dreams and joy and feel and interest and love and pizzaz!

The world doesn’t need heroes. The world needs strong women who self express. To self express you need three things: to know your self, to know what you want to express, and then to break out of your shell and actually express it! When you do this for yourself, you can so easily support and encourage it from the people around you. This makes for amazingly awesome connections as a mom, friend, daughter, wife, and person.

Look around you. This is your life. Not what it will be if you lose 15 pounds, not what it was 5 years ago when you were happy, not next week when you get a haircut or 3 days ago when someone finally recognized something you did. Your fancy life is happening right now. Show up for it. Dress up for it! Surround yourself with happy, even in the things you wear.

Make a pinterest category for things to put on your body that inspire you.
Look in your closet and donate anything that doesn’t inspire you or give you happy feelings–even when accessorized. I guarantee that it will inspire and give happy feelings to someone else, and then you will have given a gift from something that would have gone unworn and unloved.
Look in your dresser drawers and donate anything that doesn’t scream “I’M A FUCKING SUPERHERO AND I LOVE THIS! IT’S SOOOOO ME!”. You will receive the gift of uncluttering your life and making space for something awesome.
Before you buy anything to wear, think about it. Does it match up with your dreamy pinterest wish list? Does it make you tingly inside? Does it fit in with your superhero persona? If not, pass on it and wait for that certain something to appear.

You got this!

For all those that are new to freeplaylife, welcome aboard and come join our party. Ride this crazy train, bitches! Its destination is the best year of our lives, regardless of what issues we’ve got going on. Because a good year doesn’t depend on what’s going on around us, but what’s going on inside us! I’ve devised a series of 52 weeks of challenges to help us get to that goal of awesome.

Week One: Listen to what you need. Then get it.
Week Two: Others can’t see you if you don’t see yourself first. So start by taking self portraits!
Week Three: Go back and remember what you were like growing up. Find that playful kid and bring her along on your journey.
Week Four: Find a theme song to remind you that you are a badass superhero!

For this week we will be expanding our superhero repertoire. You already know you are one thanks to digging around in your past and seeing how badass you’ve always been. You have the theme song/soundtrack, thanks to last week. But you need more. MORE! Now that you have some groovy tunes to shake your ass too, you need a little something something extra.

You need a superhero costume.

Relax, I’m not talking spandex or lycra here. Unless that’s what you like. I’m talking more practical, but still literal. What do you literally have on right now? Are you crazy in love with a majority of the things surrounding your body, or did you just put them on because you bought them when they were the closest things to you in Target and all the kids started screaming for pop tarts?

Something happens to our fashion when we have small mouths to feed and kids running around everywhere. Our budget decreases. Our time to shop alone decreases. Our inclination to get anything we like decreases when we think about all the potential encounters with spit up/leaky diapers/vomit/markers/errant and exuberant scissors. Our energy decreases due to being on call 24/7. Our bodies change, so what we thought we liked just doesn’t look the same anymore. Our priorities shift…what we wear isn’t as important as a plethora of new concerns like, are the hot dogs cut up small enough for the 4 year old and why is there 10 pounds of flour all over the kitchen floor.

So what to do? What to do?! Luckily, there’s pinterest for that. Start a board for everything you see that you would love to put on or around you. Here’s mine! Start a pinning frenzy. This is for inspiration and pure fun. Pin things even if you don’t think they would look good on you. Pin things even if you think they would be too expensive. Pin things even if you think it might be “too young” or “too old” looking. Pin the ridiculous, the crazy, the colorful, the loud! Pin the funny, the extreme, the too fancy!

This isn’t about spending more money on what you wear. It’s about maximizing your purchasing when you spend money anyway. You are going to buy clothes/shoes/accesories. When you do, make it mindful instead of a rushed grab on your way to the next errand! This is a chance to get back in touch with the girl that used to spend hours making and then coloring outfits with Fashion Plates. Or, actually, a chance to get to know that girl for the first time. I personally never played with Fashion Plates, even though I know I had it when I was 9. Instead, I let my mom dress me all the way through college. True Story. It’s only been in the last 2 years that I’ve explored this side of my badass superhero alter ego, and it was waaaaay overdue.

If I wouldn’t have reconnected with what makes me happy to put on, then I would have missed out on two awesome years of the rainbow socks. And let me tell you, the rainbow socks have seen some seriously epic shit, and if they were to write a tell all it would be a bestseller. I know they’re only inanimate objects, but me + them = magic. They will always be in my life, even if they make me look a little like Pippi Longstocking.

This kind of superhero costuming is a vital part of a freeplaylife. This is coming from a girl who was taught and believed that fashion and looking good was a bit on the sinful side and an obvious sign of conceit and self absorption. Fuck that. We gots to get our groove on, bitches! When you’re shaking your ass to some mighty fine superhero grooves, start thinking about covering it with some mighty fine things that make you look as awesome on the outside as you feel on the inside.

I almost don’t want to even talk about it, I had nightmares of all the batshit crazy people that have ever been in my life, like the ghosts of douchebags past. However, all the comments and blogs being written that support a parents right to treat their child in a demeaning, angry, vindictive, immature, derogatory, mean spirited, violent (at least towards her computer) way…all while holding a lit cigarette in his hand for the love of worst example ever…all these supportive comments sent me over the edge. I just have to put in my .2 cents to try and restore at least a little balance to the universe. This is going to be quick because I don’t want to dwell on this and I have a park day to go to. And you all know what happens if I miss a park day with my unschooled kids–they miss out on being socialized! (bwahahahahha)

Unlike the dad responding to his teenage daughter’s letter on facebook (that was supposed to be private but he snooped around and found it)…I’m not going to name call (asshat and douchebag come to mind). I’m not going to take sides. I’m not going to answer hate and frustration with my own hate and frustration.

Freeplayparenting uses the force. To sum up: Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to douchebaggery and bad relationships. Truthfully, I didn’t watch the whole video because it literally made me feel like I was going to have a heart attack I got so worked up. The pain!!!! So I didn’t see him actually take out a gun and shoot a computer dead. But of course he did. It makes perfect sense. That’s what happens when you walk down the road of one upping a kid of yours, tit for tat. It gets ugly, people. I’m not saying that freeplayparenting releases you from ever having conflict with your children, but what I am saying is that effective parenting leads to connection and a deescalation rather than bullets in computers and shattered trust.

Freeplayparenting is leading by example. You want a respectful, balanced, happy, mature kid? Model that behavior no matter how many buttons they push. You are the adult. It’s tough, I’m not saying you have to be perfectly composed all the time. Vent to your friends. Pull yourself together for your kids.

Freeplayparenting doesn’t take sides. As soon as parenting becomes you versus the child, it’s over. Parenting is so much more effective on common ground. What I wish both the dad and 15 year old girl could see was that they are both feeling exactly the same way. They are both on the same page of frustration, powerlessness, and sadness. When you can find a common ground, then you can find compassion. And parenting with compassion is a good solid place to stand.

Freeplayparenting doesn’t demand respect or make kids earn it. It’s parenting with respect, though. Respect for our shared human existence. Respect for the inherent awesomeness in both parent and child. Age doesn’t have a role to play in it. Parent/child dynamic becomes person to person dynamic, each with their own strengths and weaknesses and wisdom.

Freeplayparenting isn’t about teaching lessons or making a point. It’s not “I’ll show you” or “I bet now you’ll learn” or “you’ll be sorry…” It’s about living a good life. Exploring what makes happiness and what leads to sadness and gently finding a path from one to the other with minimal trauma. It’s about accepting a wide range of emotions in yourself and in your child, and not being threatened by them.

Freeplayparenting is win/win. Negotiating isn’t a bad word. Neither is compromise. I choose connection before rules. Actually, I choose principles over rules anyway, but that’s a post for another time. Kids are constantly in flux. Something that works one day doesn’t work the next. The relationship between kids and adults needs constant tinkering and adjusting.

Freeplayparenting chooses love and joy above all else. This isn’t to say that it’s love and joy all day long, 24/7. There’s conflict and bad behavior from everyone and hard feelings and frustration. We are living in the world, after all. We are flawed human beings, after all. But in the midst of things that are beyond our control there is one thing we are always in charge of…what choices we make and how we respond to the shit that happens on a daily basis. And when my kids throw their shit at me (I’m speaking figuratively but I have had a fare share of my kids shit and other bodily fluids on me) I take a breath and remember that I invited them to my party. I made them. I love them. I work my ass off 24/7 for them. I want them in my life for as long as I’m living it. I choose not to humiliate, degrade, diminish, talk down, disrespect, and alienate them. If I wouldn’t say or treat my best friends how I treat my kids, then I choose another way.

It’s complicated, but simple. I parent not just for today, tomorrow, and 5 years from now. My parenting isn’t a sprint…like, how am I going to get my kids to college. It’s a marathon. How am I going to get my kids to adulthood? How am I going to help them handle big things…death, birth, love, loss, grief, exuberance, dreams and fears? How can I turn this into a lifelong partnership of unconditional support and love?

That’s freeplayparenting. Choose play over guns, people. Simple as that.

Now, go.

Play. Laugh. Love. Embrace.

The way the reactions went, it’s like most people have never seen an ass before. It’s like, *shock!* and *awe!* I just saw someones actual BUTT on the INTERNET!!! As if the internet is somehow an ass free zone. *snort* riiiiiiiight.

The thing is, we’re exposed to a lot of ass in this culture. A LOT. Asses are used to sell lots of things. Asses are used to draw attention to stuff all the time. Asses are on the TV and on billboards and in magazines. And sure, people may complain about the oversexualization of butts everywhere, but we seem to be somewhat resigned to it. Maybe that’s not the right word. We seem to be somewhat immune to it in a weird way. Like, asses are just a nice body part that fuels consumerism. Acceptable fact.

So when real, unphotoshopped, uncommercialized, unsexualized asses started showing up all over, I loved the honesty and acceptance of it. And I felt a little unhappy that all of a sudden THAT is what created some ruckus. We’re probably exposed to 15 asses a day through various social and print media, but the one ass that stands out is the one of a familiar person on a facebook wall saying, “OMG you guys, I love myself so much just the way I am. Our bodies are amazing!”

I’d rather get that message than the message I get page after page in a magazine saying, “OMG you guys, I love my ass so much but only because I spent money changing it to make it better! Your body is terrible the way it is but can be so much better if you do the same thing I did!”

If I have to look at asses, then I’d rather them be real butts from real people who really love themselves. At last count, over 200 people joined in and loudly…proudly…shared their backsides. I love the way Shannon put it in her blog:

I did a photo shoot of my ass for me. For my own personal growth as a woman who has forgotten how to love every little imperfection that is mine.

I shared the post here and on Facebook cause I want the world to be different. I want the world the big huge world to love every BODY. I want there to be chances for every human being to spend a lifetime loving every part of their physical self.

I want there to be images plastered on main stream media that celebrate our diversity. I want every little girl and boy that is looking outside of themselves for a little reassurance that they are indeed awesome, to potentially stumble across an image that looks like them.

For that to happen we gotta start sharing, posting, talking about and celebrating in crazy out there kinds of ways just what we are carrying around.

For those who think that showing your ass in a nonsexual, noncommercial, playful way is immoral or obscene…well, I think we’re already fighting that war and it’s being won by commercialism and porn. Maybe the problem is people have a hard time telling the difference between obscenity vs. a real human body. To me, the best way to fight back is to show the other side of our bodies. Our human form in it’s natural state. Real and awesome!

I have a whole lifetime’s worth of family/religion/society that would tell me that picture of me is inappropriate and shameful. I call bullshit. Inappropriate is my girls learning that it’s OK to use your body to sell a soda.

For everyone who played along, I really really thank you. I mean, it was about your ass, but it was about so much more than just an ass.

For everyone who wanted to play along but couldn’t quite go so far as post it all over the internet…find someone to share your ass pictures with. Hahahaha. Seriously. Valentines Day is coming up…I’m sure a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other would be more than happy to get that pic. Also, I still am engaged in an ongoing ass picture volley with some tried and true best friends. I’ve never sent ass pictures to ANYONE before, but now I do it all the time and vice versa. And I have to say, nothing makes me happier than getting a text from a friend saying “hey! look at my ass today! BAM it rocks these pants!”

All I’m saying is, I hope this doesn’t stop. I hope I see more assbooking. I hope you keep celebrating yourself and your ass. It’s been nice getting to know you!

Now that you have some music, what are you going to do with that music? I’ll tell you…you are going to spin some sweet tunes! You are going to freak like a maniac! You are going to get glow sticks and flashlights and stay up late with your kids and your husband/significant other (or, self, in my case! ha…) dancing until you can’t dance anymore.

I’ll know you’re doing this because I’ll see all the selfies you instagram/twitter/facebook (tagged #fplphoto or @freeplaylife) that you take while singing and dancing. Bwahhahahaa, there will be no cheating or slacking off, bitches! I’m watching you! This is good stuff right here. I’ve listened to the songs you’ve added to the freeplaylife facebook wall, and that is some great danceable ass shaking music!

Here’s why it’s important to DO SOMETHING with the music, not just sit and listen to it: there is a connection between body movement and self awareness. And I’ll let you in on something. It was kind of douchey of me to ask you right off the bat, week 1, to start asking for what you wanted/needed. Honestly, 99% of the people walking around you at any one moment have no freaking clue about their own needs. That’s why 99% of the people also carry a heavy burden of un-fun and un-whimsy. And if you are still struggling to define just what it is that makes you tick or how to get it, don’t worry. You’ve spent your whole life being told not to be selfish and to think of other people first. It takes a while to break out of that and go for what you want.

Dancing, or any other physical activity, puts you in your body. It’s a free and joyful self expression that anchors you to your core. It makes you present to your own presence. Do that. Be there. Feel yourself move.

At first you may feel self conscious about moving your body around. Don’t be. You’re a fucking superhero, remember? I never once heard Wonder Woman ask if her shiny leotard made her ass look fat, or complain that running around doing epic shit made her tummy jiggle too much. The more you move in your body, the less spazzy it feels. One thing is certain, kids do this brilliantly. They don’t even have to dance as if no one was watching…they just dance even if everyone is! This summer I was eating dinner by an open and empty dance floor with tons of people walking past, eating, milling about. Live music playing. The only people that ever walked out and started grooving were kids 10 and under. They didn’t care that everyone was watching, in fact they loved it more. Why and when do we ever stop marveling at our own ability to move around in the awesome and amazing body we have?

Extra gold star this week if you happen to take a picture of yourself dancing in your underwear.

Go get em, tiger!